Three Weak Points of Family Home Care, and What to Do About Them
Being a family caregiver ranges from difficult to brutal. There aren't too many other options. Compared to institutional caregivers, you're at a distinct disadvantage. There's no getting around it, but there are ways to get through it. First, let's make sure you understand the weak spots in your armor and then we'll talk about how to strengthen them.
Weak Point #1: you don't get to clock out. You are on duty all the time, even when you're sleeping. If you have anyone to help, you're lucky. But if you're reading this, chances are it's because you are the primary caregiver and you need help. Professional caregivers get to clock out and get some relief, focus on their own families, and live a whole life separate from their work. They get to compartmentalize, keeping the emotional drain of caregiving locked away in the part of their brain reserved for work. You don't get that luxury.
Weak Point #2: it's personal. You are emotionally involved. Because you have a history with your loved one, every interaction is packed with backstory, with emotional implications, and often with pains that go back a whole lifetime. For a professional caregiver, Mrs. Smith just doesn't like the meal. For you, your mom might not like your meal after a lifetime of criticizing your cooking. It's a very different feeling. Rather than simply being a care interaction based on a professional relationship, you have to manage care affected by a lifetime of complex family dynamics. In movie The Godfather, Michael Corleone justifies a mob assassination with the famous line, “It’s not personal, it's strictly business.” For you, it’s the opposite. Caring for your loved one is very personal where for a professional caregiver it would just be business. This makes it that much more difficult.
Weak Point #3: you don't have the same training and institutional support. You were probably thrown into caregiving out of necessity. When someone wants to be a professional caregiver, they have to receive training and certification. They hit the ground running with the information that you're learning after the fact. In addition, they have other caregivers to talk to, supervisors who can help, and people who can cover a shift when they have to call out. They have mentors who can assist them as they get up to speed. They have policies and procedures to reference. In short, they are set up for success in ways that you are not.
Now I'm not saying all of this to discourage you. In fact, each of these things can also be a strength if we allow it to be. If you manage your own self-care properly, for instance, your non-stop participation in your loved one’s care care can provide the stability that can only be given by a caregiver who knows every step of every procedure. Because you are personally involved, you can understand the nuances of behavior and build your care around your loved one’s specific needs, rather than fitting them into an institutional template of care. And training can be picked up along the way, but you will also come up with creative solutions if you don't already have the answers that someone else gave you. Your solutions may be more effective for your loved one than an answer out of a book.
The first step in overcoming the weak points in your position as a family caregiver is to be aware of them. The second step is to know that every weakness can also be a strength, and then to play to that strength. Finally, move step by step to shore up the blind spots and the weak spots. Talk to people and ask questions. Take some of the courses offered in our FREE Member's Section. Go to an Alzheimer's support group. Keep learning and growing.
And remember, if I were writing this to professional caregivers, I'd take the weak points I gave you and simply reverse them because your strong points are their weak points. We've all got weak points, but you're getting stronger all the time. That's something to be proud of. Keep moving forward!
