Best book for grieving someone with dementia
Grieving for someone with dementia is a unique experience, one identified masterfully by Dr. Pauline Boss in her book Ambiguous Loss.
Usually, we grieve something at the end. We know it’s over and we can adjust our lives accordingly. Our grief is difficult, but it makes sense and we can see the end of the tunnel. A sudden death, a divorce, a bankruptcy: these are all terrible circumstances, but we also know somewhere in all of that sorrow that what’s done is done.
Boss identifies two different kinds of ambiguous loss. The first is someone who is not with us physically but may be out there somewhere. Prisoners of war or kidnap victims could fit in this category. There can be no closure because we don’t know what has happened to them.
The other type of ambiguous loss, the type that is pertinent to our discussion, is the loss of a person who is physically present but mentally and spiritually leaving or gone. People with Alzheimer’s disease, other dementias, traumatic brain injuries, and other cognitive issues fall into this category. On the one hand, the person is slipping away every day. They may not be recognizable as the person you knew. And yet, they are sitting right in front of you. How can we reconcile this?
If you’re suffering with ambiguous loss, please check out Boss’ book. I think you’ll find it both enlightening and comforting. You can find it on Amazon at the link below.
