A stranger walks into your house…
Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A stranger walks into your house carrying a loofah and tells you that it’s time for a shower. You quickly discern that it’s not Bill O'Reilly: big relief there. Once scandal-plagued television personalities have been ruled out, what next? Personally, I would probably grab the heaviest thing I could lift and swing it as hard as I could. (Future caregivers, take note.)
I don't know about this guy...
Whether it’s a caregiver who is performing in-home services, or you are personally helping a loved one who just isn’t recognizing you today, please remember: you wouldn’t like being bathed by a stranger either. It doesn’t matter that you’re related. It doesn’t matter that the caregiver has been coming for years. In that moment, your loved one doesn’t recognize that person and they are a stranger, and perhaps dangerous in their minds. Go slowly, be gentle, and build rapport. If you are using in-home services, make sure that they do the same.
Here are some things to think about as you try to ease the process:
Do you like an audience when you take a shower? (No judgment: you do you.) Most people don’t. Are there considerations in place for your loved one’s privacy? Consider keeping the person covered with towels if that makes them more comfortable, and encourage them to do as much as they can on their own.
Explain what’s happening, kindly and gently, as often as necessary. They may not remember from one moment to the next, and their fear and discomfort is just as real each time they feel it.
Are you making sure they’re warm enough? Things feel colder when you’re wet, and if your loved one is uncomfortable, they will be more resistant.
Is the water too hot? If you don’t test it, you won’t know. If the person being bathed is non-communicative, they may not be able to tell you that the water is uncomfortable or even painful.
Are they afraid of the water? Remember that crossing thresholds can be difficult for people with dementia. Stepping in the tub may feel like stepping off a cliff because they don’t understand that there is a bottom. Let them feel the bottom of the tub so they know it is solid. You might also put stickers or a different-colored non-slip mat on the bottom so that they can see it.
These tactics can take a lot of the difficulty out of bathing someone and reduce anxiety for everyone. Turn the bathroom into a little oasis for them so that it’s a safe place to go, and that part of care may become a lot easier.
And if you see that guy in the picture above, let someone know. The police are looking for him.
